We gaan de auto in een paar dagen verloren. Dús vandaag zijn ik en mijn vriend naar Brussels geweest. Eerste dacht ik dat alles gesloten voor de tweede kerstdagen zou zijn, maar hélas was bijna alles in het centrum open.
Ik heb chocolate, kaas, brood en meer belgiesche dingen gekocht. Alles was duur en ook in het frans. Nu begrijp ik een beetje wat de vlanderen denken van hun buren. België is mooi, maar het móét één land blijven.
woensdag 26 december 2007
dinsdag 18 december 2007
A taste of pure Genius
Lena and I have been scriblings some ideas about a possible story. Here, enjoy a nibble. Somehow the formatting is fucked up. But enjoy:
Part one of a 220 part series
The clock struck one p.m. Or at least it would have had she owned a clock that struck. She rolled over lazily in a feeble attempt to search for the glasses she always misplaced. She failed to find them. What else was new? Nothing ever seemed to work out as she wanted it to. Come to think of it, she couldn’t remember the last time she had really wanted anything at all. Wait. She knew she wanted one thing: to take a piss. Sliding off the bed roll (she didn’t own a mattress) she headed to the bathroom and switched on the light. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed an irregular black stain on the wall. Looking closer, she saw the feelers move as if searching for the unattainable touch of scent. In a heartbeat, nothing remained of the cockroach but the insides which were now on the outside of her palm. She decided to take a piss before washing her hands. It was pointless to wash one’s hands twice. “I have just come closer to saving the human race,” she thought to herself as the stream of dark yellow liquid, or “gold” as she put it, drained into the toilet bowl. In an attempt to conserve energy, she made what she thought was the conscious effort to not flush the toilet. Then, with much a stumble, she gated closer to the sink and looked at her reflection in the toothpaste-speckled mirror. She often wished there was something interesting about the way she looked. Because she was lacking in that area, she was left lusting for a discernible characteristic such as a scar across her eye, as the best villains in film sported. Her hair which was neither long nor short, blond nor brown, straight nor curly, flopped over her simple, neither blue nor green but gray, eyes. “Basil Polen,” she proclaimed, “saver of the human race!”
She was already late for class, so one more cup of coffee couldn’t hurt. She had a “just enjoy the coffee” policy during which nothing could frustrate, encourage, disappoint, or excite her. And why should it? Her nonchalance created ignorance, and ignorance was bliss, and bliss was one step closer to reaching nirvana, as she thought. That was how Buddha would do it, or was it Allah? Even these thoughts proved to be too intense and provoking for coffee time. While being baptized Roman Catholic, she couldn’t care less if she died and ended as food for the earthworms consuming her, only to be shat out as dirt. Lost in thought, Basil failed to notice that the cherry of her cig had dropped on the stormy-blue velvet couch and proceeded to burn a hole through the cushion. Even if she had noticed, she wouldn’t have cared. It was her roommate’s couch. One stolen, no doubt, out of the dumpster behind her apartment building. Her apartment was an assorted clutter of mess, collected haphazardly from random moments and places in her life. Bits of wire hung on the walls along with paintings she had attempted, and photo-shopped photographs she had taken after receiving a new digital camera. Receiving was the wrong word. She had actually spent her entire paycheck (a paycheck she could not afford to spend) on the shiny metallic object. This Basil-world of hers that existed in the tiny apartment was a place of solace and contemplation for her, and that’s why she spent so little time there. The world was full of adventures. Yet somehow, these adventures failed to find her.
She was jerked out of her daydreaming by the harassing ring of the telephone. She looked over at it with indifference, jumped off the couch, put her satchel over her shoulders, and slammed the door on the way out.
Part one of a 220 part series
The clock struck one p.m. Or at least it would have had she owned a clock that struck. She rolled over lazily in a feeble attempt to search for the glasses she always misplaced. She failed to find them. What else was new? Nothing ever seemed to work out as she wanted it to. Come to think of it, she couldn’t remember the last time she had really wanted anything at all. Wait. She knew she wanted one thing: to take a piss. Sliding off the bed roll (she didn’t own a mattress) she headed to the bathroom and switched on the light. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed an irregular black stain on the wall. Looking closer, she saw the feelers move as if searching for the unattainable touch of scent. In a heartbeat, nothing remained of the cockroach but the insides which were now on the outside of her palm. She decided to take a piss before washing her hands. It was pointless to wash one’s hands twice. “I have just come closer to saving the human race,” she thought to herself as the stream of dark yellow liquid, or “gold” as she put it, drained into the toilet bowl. In an attempt to conserve energy, she made what she thought was the conscious effort to not flush the toilet. Then, with much a stumble, she gated closer to the sink and looked at her reflection in the toothpaste-speckled mirror. She often wished there was something interesting about the way she looked. Because she was lacking in that area, she was left lusting for a discernible characteristic such as a scar across her eye, as the best villains in film sported. Her hair which was neither long nor short, blond nor brown, straight nor curly, flopped over her simple, neither blue nor green but gray, eyes. “Basil Polen,” she proclaimed, “saver of the human race!”
She was already late for class, so one more cup of coffee couldn’t hurt. She had a “just enjoy the coffee” policy during which nothing could frustrate, encourage, disappoint, or excite her. And why should it? Her nonchalance created ignorance, and ignorance was bliss, and bliss was one step closer to reaching nirvana, as she thought. That was how Buddha would do it, or was it Allah? Even these thoughts proved to be too intense and provoking for coffee time. While being baptized Roman Catholic, she couldn’t care less if she died and ended as food for the earthworms consuming her, only to be shat out as dirt. Lost in thought, Basil failed to notice that the cherry of her cig had dropped on the stormy-blue velvet couch and proceeded to burn a hole through the cushion. Even if she had noticed, she wouldn’t have cared. It was her roommate’s couch. One stolen, no doubt, out of the dumpster behind her apartment building. Her apartment was an assorted clutter of mess, collected haphazardly from random moments and places in her life. Bits of wire hung on the walls along with paintings she had attempted, and photo-shopped photographs she had taken after receiving a new digital camera. Receiving was the wrong word. She had actually spent her entire paycheck (a paycheck she could not afford to spend) on the shiny metallic object. This Basil-world of hers that existed in the tiny apartment was a place of solace and contemplation for her, and that’s why she spent so little time there. The world was full of adventures. Yet somehow, these adventures failed to find her.
She was jerked out of her daydreaming by the harassing ring of the telephone. She looked over at it with indifference, jumped off the couch, put her satchel over her shoulders, and slammed the door on the way out.
maandag 10 december 2007
Baarle-Nassau/Hertog
Over the weekend, I went to a magical placed called Baarle-Nassau. This magical place is not in Netherlands, although it is completely surrounded by Holland. For a matter of fact, it is not even an entire city, but rather 30 "enclaves". These envlaves are part of Belgium, as a result of the Treaty of Masstricht in the 16th century. Thus, the city has two names, Baarle-Nassau, for the part of the city that went to the House of Nassau-Orange (present Dutch Crown), and Baarle-Hertog (Duke, also King of Belgium), which went to Belgium.
vrijdag 7 december 2007
I need to get back to my base...
I need to get back to my base. Lately I have been spending all of my time on my other blogs, and blog colaborations. But this blog is the only way that I can voice all of my thoughts about my favorite topic, me!
Thus, I am, like many politicians, turning my head back to my base, and letting my loyal readers know that they too will be able to rely on a contstant 24-7 stream of Filthy Renditions.
Thus, I am going to start telling you, my dear readers, a little about my self every day, or at least the days that I have internet access. Here is something that many of you may not know: I cured Borderline Personality Disorder.
woensdag 21 november 2007
maandag 12 november 2007
zondag 11 november 2007
The Dutch Driving Test
Here is the chronology of what I have done to get my driving license.
1. Buy the only book from the Donnor Selexys, from Weha on Dutch Driving Theory...24€
2. Went and took my first theory test, which I failed (missing 13 questions)... 35€ test, 15€ theory card
3. Went to the ANWB and bought a theory question book...27€
4. Went and took my theory test for the second time, passed, missing 4 questions...35€, 15€ theory card
5. Starting taking practical lessons 15 one hour lessons at 39€/hour (585€)
6. Planned practical test tommorrow (202€)
Therefore my total amount spent is 938€ or 1369$
If I do not pass tommorrow, I will be furious.
1. Buy the only book from the Donnor Selexys, from Weha on Dutch Driving Theory...24€
2. Went and took my first theory test, which I failed (missing 13 questions)... 35€ test, 15€ theory card
3. Went to the ANWB and bought a theory question book...27€
4. Went and took my theory test for the second time, passed, missing 4 questions...35€, 15€ theory card
5. Starting taking practical lessons 15 one hour lessons at 39€/hour (585€)
6. Planned practical test tommorrow (202€)
Therefore my total amount spent is 938€ or 1369$
If I do not pass tommorrow, I will be furious.
zondag 21 oktober 2007
Antwerp and Flanders
Antwerp and Flanders feels like a world away from Rotterdam, but it is, at most, 45 minutes from South Holland. Antwerp is located in Belgische Vlaamse Brabant. Not to be confused with Noord Brabant in the Netherlands or Brabante de Walonie.
Here are some wonderful photos of my Saturday in Belgium. What you should remember is that if you want to buy clothes or shoes ect. you want to go to Belgium, where sales are allowed all year round, and sales tax is cheaper (a lot cheaper). But liquor and cigs should always be bought in Holland (or Luxembourg if you have the chance).
vrijdag 19 oktober 2007
Imburgerings Cursus 2008
Yesterday, Zadkine College reported that they will lay off between 200 and 220 teachers due to students not enrolling for Dutch Language courses in 2008. This comes after the price has been raised from 60€ a year to 5000€. Imagine that?
I am really fucking tired of paying taxes here. I pay 33% a year in tax (around 10.000€)
Thus, I have decided to take out my rage in the form of Haiku :
Nineteen-sixty-eight
The Dutch become progressive
Look how far they've gone?
Fuck you, you imigrant
I've come up with a new word
you are Alochtoon (ah-loch-tone)
I am really fucking tired of paying taxes here. I pay 33% a year in tax (around 10.000€)
Thus, I have decided to take out my rage in the form of Haiku :
Nineteen-sixty-eight
The Dutch become progressive
Look how far they've gone?
Fuck you, you imigrant
I've come up with a new word
you are Alochtoon (ah-loch-tone)
donderdag 4 oktober 2007
J´ai vu
Aujourd'hui j'ai regardé cette videoclip sur le tv. J'ai l'orriginale et aussi le remix. Je trouve le remix le meilleur.
A Cause des Garçons
THE ORIGINAL
Le REMIX (avec Euromullet), which I am the partial owner of...
You have to watch the second one to appreciate the Euromullet.
A Cause des Garçons
THE ORIGINAL
Le REMIX (avec Euromullet), which I am the partial owner of...
You have to watch the second one to appreciate the Euromullet.
Het is een lange dag...
Soms, kan ik de héle dag werken zonder denken over de tijd. Soms, werk ik (als je "werk" wil zegen) en ik denk aleen over de tijd. Vandaag was één van die dagen. Het is niet dat ik niet werken wil, maar dat ik altijd zó moe ben. Ik heb last van mijn oude baan. Ik wil nog een keer met geke mensen werken. Office work is zó saai.
Deze weekend heb ik een feestje te maken, dan moet ik twee andere rijlesen to doen. Écht, wil ik weekend. Ik will ook meer studeren.
Volgens mij, ben ik niet zó blij met mijn baan, maar wel met mijn leven, that's the dilema.
Deze weekend heb ik een feestje te maken, dan moet ik twee andere rijlesen to doen. Écht, wil ik weekend. Ik will ook meer studeren.
Volgens mij, ben ik niet zó blij met mijn baan, maar wel met mijn leven, that's the dilema.
maandag 1 oktober 2007
Mijn werk door fotos...
Here is where I work...
This is the view from my office...
Unlike what you would think, it is quite depressing. I work on the Port. Not actually "on" the port, but I get the depressing post modern view.
zondag 30 september 2007
The American Absurdity
When I sit here, in my nice cosy Dutch house, next to a canal, and watch CNN and listen to American’s fight over health care, I sit back and laugh at them. What a rediculous people. You have two groups of people, called the Republicans and Democrats that are so far out of touch with people that they are just laughable, or more seriously, absurd.
The answer to health care is not too difficult, unless you watch American media, where only two possible solutions are presented. The first being nationalized healthcare (which would scare this shit out of anyone who has ever dealt with the state or federal governments), the second being private HMOs (which scare the shit out of anyone who makes less than $30,000 a year.
Most people I tell that I do not have nationalized Dutch health insurance a boggled. Yes, it is true; Holland is one of the few European countries that does not have a national healthcare scheme. Moreover, Holland does not even require your employer to pay part of your health care. What Holland does have is a government who regulates health care prices. I pay about 80€ a month for health insurance, and pay no premium.
Now, as Americans, we are raised to think that something like this is evil: The government regulating the market. But the US government does this already; it bails out airline companies, subsidizes defense contracts, the mail system, Amtrak, it even controls the price of produce through a very thorough elaborate subsidy scheme. Even more, we are taught that it is evil if the government tells us to do something, like get insurance. This was raised to me by Tucker Cooperson on MSNBC who stated that it was his personal choice not to have insurance during his wife's first pregnancy (an easy choice to make when your family has millions of dollars). Did he also not have insurance on his car? Of course he did, because the government has said it is illegal not to have car insurance.
Here is a solution that should work.
1. The government requires every person to hold insurance. Exceptions go to people who cannot afford 100$ a month, who get public insurance. Meanwhile insurance goes to a tier system the highest being at 125$ a month (you employer still pays most of the premium)
2. The government regulates healthcare costs. No more 13,000$ a year for aids medication, no more 17,000$ a month for cancer treatment.
3. The government pumps money into medical research and development, to offset costs of loss of profit (this would be around 1billion$ a year)
4. Children and adults in college or younger, get covered for a minimal fee.
5. People who spend have insurance, yet use no services, receive a rebate from their carrier (around 15%)
7. Doctors make slightly lower pay checks (under 150,000$/year).
8. Partial tort reform, to curb lawsuits larger than 100,000$. Torts will only be heard if true negligence is proven, not unforeseeable accidents.
This is the essential basis of the Dutch privatized health care system. Everyone is insured, and it is not run by the government, ensuring great care in what the US government calls on the embassy website, above modern medical standards.
Even if this system would not work, it is called compromise, something these absurd politicians refuse indulge.
The answer to health care is not too difficult, unless you watch American media, where only two possible solutions are presented. The first being nationalized healthcare (which would scare this shit out of anyone who has ever dealt with the state or federal governments), the second being private HMOs (which scare the shit out of anyone who makes less than $30,000 a year.
Most people I tell that I do not have nationalized Dutch health insurance a boggled. Yes, it is true; Holland is one of the few European countries that does not have a national healthcare scheme. Moreover, Holland does not even require your employer to pay part of your health care. What Holland does have is a government who regulates health care prices. I pay about 80€ a month for health insurance, and pay no premium.
Now, as Americans, we are raised to think that something like this is evil: The government regulating the market. But the US government does this already; it bails out airline companies, subsidizes defense contracts, the mail system, Amtrak, it even controls the price of produce through a very thorough elaborate subsidy scheme. Even more, we are taught that it is evil if the government tells us to do something, like get insurance. This was raised to me by Tucker Cooperson on MSNBC who stated that it was his personal choice not to have insurance during his wife's first pregnancy (an easy choice to make when your family has millions of dollars). Did he also not have insurance on his car? Of course he did, because the government has said it is illegal not to have car insurance.
Here is a solution that should work.
1. The government requires every person to hold insurance. Exceptions go to people who cannot afford 100$ a month, who get public insurance. Meanwhile insurance goes to a tier system the highest being at 125$ a month (you employer still pays most of the premium)
2. The government regulates healthcare costs. No more 13,000$ a year for aids medication, no more 17,000$ a month for cancer treatment.
3. The government pumps money into medical research and development, to offset costs of loss of profit (this would be around 1billion$ a year)
4. Children and adults in college or younger, get covered for a minimal fee.
5. People who spend have insurance, yet use no services, receive a rebate from their carrier (around 15%)
7. Doctors make slightly lower pay checks (under 150,000$/year).
8. Partial tort reform, to curb lawsuits larger than 100,000$. Torts will only be heard if true negligence is proven, not unforeseeable accidents.
This is the essential basis of the Dutch privatized health care system. Everyone is insured, and it is not run by the government, ensuring great care in what the US government calls on the embassy website, above modern medical standards.
Even if this system would not work, it is called compromise, something these absurd politicians refuse indulge.
zaterdag 29 september 2007
My Theory Certificate
I present you my new Theory Certificate. I am now the envy of all 14 1/2 year old American boys!!!
vrijdag 28 september 2007
Dutch Politics
Enjoy this spastic Blog.
The Dutch political system is rather weird. The Netherlands is a kingdom, much like the UK, with a Queen who holds slightly more political power.
There are two Kamers (Rooms) where the many wonderful Dutch laws (prostitution, drugs, ect.) are made. Actually drugs are illegal in Holland, but that is another story.
The Tweede Kamer is the main legislative body. Currently there are several political parties who hold zetels (seats). The current Government Coalition is the Fourth Balkenende Parliament. This is a coalition of Christen Democratisch Appèl (Christian Democratic Appeal), Christen Unie (Christian Union), and De Partij van de Arbeid (Labor Party). This is the fourth time that this leader has crashed the government.
My favourite Character is the wonderful Rita Verdonk (I mean "wonderful" in the most sarcasticly possible way)
The Dutch political system is rather weird. The Netherlands is a kingdom, much like the UK, with a Queen who holds slightly more political power.
There are two Kamers (Rooms) where the many wonderful Dutch laws (prostitution, drugs, ect.) are made. Actually drugs are illegal in Holland, but that is another story.
The Tweede Kamer is the main legislative body. Currently there are several political parties who hold zetels (seats). The current Government Coalition is the Fourth Balkenende Parliament. This is a coalition of Christen Democratisch Appèl (Christian Democratic Appeal), Christen Unie (Christian Union), and De Partij van de Arbeid (Labor Party). This is the fourth time that this leader has crashed the government.
My favourite Character is the wonderful Rita Verdonk (I mean "wonderful" in the most sarcasticly possible way)
Rita removed the passport of the famous Ayaan Hirsi Ali, after she admitted that she lied about her name, to get away from her family, who had cut off her clitoris!!! Rita is a big fan of getting rid of immigrants (non-white ones I should say, I have no problems with the Immigration Service). She likes the famous new political phrase "Vol is Vol" (Full is Full, meaning Holland is full and needs no new people!
Ayaan was working on a film called Submission with Theo van Gogh (pronounced Choch, if the Ch is pronounces like the Ch in Loch). Theo was killed by a radical Muslim, who placed demands for her death and the death of many politicians, written on paper, and pinned with daggers to his dead corps (btw this was all done in a public park).
Back to the Government…
Well it is going to fall, once again. Now the Dutch are once again fighting over a referendum over the European Constitution. All other European nations have decided to keep the vote within the parliament, but the Dutch have a split cabinet. De Partij van de Arbeid wants a referendum, but the Christians (in typical form) prefer the less democratic route.
Now the way that it all works, and the source of the failure is written below…
1. Elections are held
2. Parties come together and form a Government, which requires 51% of the seats, these parties decide who the Prime Minister and all of the other ministers.
3. The Éérste Kamer is elected by the provinces
3. Together, these parties decide what will be law in the Second Room, the First Room then checks whether or not it is constitutional.
4. All other parties become the Opposition
5. When part of the “Government Coalition” decides that it wants something, and but one of the parties within the coalition disagrees, they fight
6. Officially when no resolve comes, the Queen dissolves the government and requires a new Election.
I have lived in Holland for 11 months, and I have lived through two Governments, it will soon be three!
Watch this video, it takes the popular cartoon and makes fun of Rita Verdonk
donderdag 27 september 2007
woensdag 26 september 2007
Down to the Wire...
Tomorrow, I have my test. If I do not pass, I am going to slit my wrists.
Just kidding, I was just told that that may be "insensitive" to people who have borderline personality disorder, so I retract my statement.
However I am not going to remove this passage, because I am seeking attention.
I found this picture when I google imaged "borderline" I think that these borderlines are angry, thoughtful, shamed, and/or child molesters.
Just kidding, I was just told that that may be "insensitive" to people who have borderline personality disorder, so I retract my statement.
However I am not going to remove this passage, because I am seeking attention.
I found this picture when I google imaged "borderline" I think that these borderlines are angry, thoughtful, shamed, and/or child molesters.The truth behind 9-11 - Parts One and Two
This is the first in a published series, by myself, on the truth behind 9-11.
Do you remember when 9-11 happened. I do, I was in English class, 12th grade, and it changed my life forever. When I saw those towers fall, it was the first time in my life that I had the ability to watch network television for two hours straight without having one advertisement. Oh the irony, I cried, as the networks came together and blocked four hours of my favorite soap operas.
I remember cursing Osama for this. He and his terrible gang of tyrants and freedom haters robbed me of the only freedom I had. The freedom to watch Passions, then Days, then Guiding Light. That day reminded me of how much I had, and how much I had to lose.
It was years later when I was sitting in on a local liberal meeting at Cornell Hall when I learned the truth about 9-11. I remember thinking, when college students say truth, they mean it. I mean they all read the Stranger and studied freshmen level philosophy, so they knew that truth can only be used when it takes into account everything. But they lied, for I too, have uncovered the truth behind 9-11.
End Part One
It was early in the morning, on January 25th, 2001, President Bush was new, and Jacques Chirac was visiting from France. They were both brothers in the same Secret Society, The Society of Coitus Supremus. Bush was nervous like a little school girl to have his first meeting with the weathered and older French Politician. Little did George, or any of his friends know that this encounter would change the course of the world.
As Chirac was getting off of the plane, He jumped forward quickly, scaring his closest confidant and security guard Guillaume. Chirac screamed in French, get out of my way or I will fire you all. Normally Chirac did not behave like this, especially not around the press, but he felt like he was suffocating in the plane. There mere thought of his wife and 23 year old mistress travelling together in the same Airbus plane made his skin crawl. His wife most certainly knew of his mistresses existence, she even referred to her as "La Salope" when with close confidants. But Jacque was from a different school of politics, the school where you keep your mistresses separated from your wife. It was how De Gaule had done it, and Chirac was damned if he wouldn't do the same.
He breathed the fresh air at Camp David; slowly, his anxiety began to pass. Only then did he realize the true gravity of his trip. It was this burden that had caused such a decline in his temperament. The press was ripping him to shreds over the past months. Most thought that it was because he was not popular with the Unions, but they did not know the real reason. Chirac had felt his soul blacken over the months with shame and guilt. Guilt which was induced by the knowledge of what he had to do.
He walked down the tarmac listening to the national anthem and waving to the much more docile American press corps. It was much unlike his first trip to the United States. He had worked as a deck boy for a French Fishing ship of the coast of St. Pierre et Miquelome and would go to Boston once a month to pick up contraceptives for the all male crew of L'Espoire Dominicaine (The Dominican Hope).
Finally he saw George, still young (for a leader at least) and yearning to lead his people, a people who unfortunately hated him. He grabbed George's soft and subtle hand, turned to the cameramen for a few opportune shots. He then ever so casually leaned over to George to say, "Let's go somewhere private, where we can talk. " It threw chills up George's spine. George found his accent intriguing and was thrown off. He had never had feelings like that for a man before. He was sure this would be a meeting of true substance.
End of Part Two
An Appendix to Parts one and two:
All of the facts in here can be referenced to the Book The Truth Still Hurts - A study of Plausible Causes and Effects of 9-11 written by Professor Charles B. Kendelsson from the Warren County Community College.
Do you remember when 9-11 happened. I do, I was in English class, 12th grade, and it changed my life forever. When I saw those towers fall, it was the first time in my life that I had the ability to watch network television for two hours straight without having one advertisement. Oh the irony, I cried, as the networks came together and blocked four hours of my favorite soap operas.
I remember cursing Osama for this. He and his terrible gang of tyrants and freedom haters robbed me of the only freedom I had. The freedom to watch Passions, then Days, then Guiding Light. That day reminded me of how much I had, and how much I had to lose.
It was years later when I was sitting in on a local liberal meeting at Cornell Hall when I learned the truth about 9-11. I remember thinking, when college students say truth, they mean it. I mean they all read the Stranger and studied freshmen level philosophy, so they knew that truth can only be used when it takes into account everything. But they lied, for I too, have uncovered the truth behind 9-11.
It was early in the morning, on January 25th, 2001, President Bush was new, and Jacques Chirac was visiting from France. They were both brothers in the same Secret Society, The Society of Coitus Supremus. Bush was nervous like a little school girl to have his first meeting with the weathered and older French Politician. Little did George, or any of his friends know that this encounter would change the course of the world.
As Chirac was getting off of the plane, He jumped forward quickly, scaring his closest confidant and security guard Guillaume. Chirac screamed in French, get out of my way or I will fire you all. Normally Chirac did not behave like this, especially not around the press, but he felt like he was suffocating in the plane. There mere thought of his wife and 23 year old mistress travelling together in the same Airbus plane made his skin crawl. His wife most certainly knew of his mistresses existence, she even referred to her as "La Salope" when with close confidants. But Jacque was from a different school of politics, the school where you keep your mistresses separated from your wife. It was how De Gaule had done it, and Chirac was damned if he wouldn't do the same.
He breathed the fresh air at Camp David; slowly, his anxiety began to pass. Only then did he realize the true gravity of his trip. It was this burden that had caused such a decline in his temperament. The press was ripping him to shreds over the past months. Most thought that it was because he was not popular with the Unions, but they did not know the real reason. Chirac had felt his soul blacken over the months with shame and guilt. Guilt which was induced by the knowledge of what he had to do.
He walked down the tarmac listening to the national anthem and waving to the much more docile American press corps. It was much unlike his first trip to the United States. He had worked as a deck boy for a French Fishing ship of the coast of St. Pierre et Miquelome and would go to Boston once a month to pick up contraceptives for the all male crew of L'Espoire Dominicaine (The Dominican Hope).
Finally he saw George, still young (for a leader at least) and yearning to lead his people, a people who unfortunately hated him. He grabbed George's soft and subtle hand, turned to the cameramen for a few opportune shots. He then ever so casually leaned over to George to say, "Let's go somewhere private, where we can talk. " It threw chills up George's spine. George found his accent intriguing and was thrown off. He had never had feelings like that for a man before. He was sure this would be a meeting of true substance.
An Appendix to Parts one and two:
All of the facts in here can be referenced to the Book The Truth Still Hurts - A study of Plausible Causes and Effects of 9-11 written by Professor Charles B. Kendelsson from the Warren County Community College.
maandag 24 september 2007
Poop brown...
My Horriscope has told me to return to my earth colours, thereforI have chosen poop brown as a temporary colour for this blog. Please enjoy!
Mijn Horriscope zei dat ik hoef "na de kleren van het aarde gaan", dus, ik heb een lekkere poep bruin gekozen. Veel plezier!
Mijn Horriscope zei dat ik hoef "na de kleren van het aarde gaan", dus, ik heb een lekkere poep bruin gekozen. Veel plezier!
zondag 23 september 2007
This fucking driving license is driving me crazy
One thing that I learned from the University of Missouri is that trick questions are written by douchebags that normally have compensation problems. I have found two organizations that are truly made for each other, the University of Missouri and the Centraal Bureau Rijwaardigheidsbewijzen (Dutch DMV). Both organizations think that it is encouragable to ask trick questions meant to make someone fail.
Example Given:
How many meters may the load of a trailer hang on the front of your automobile?
answer: 0 meters.
Now this is a douchebag question for the following reason: You study and learn that it is forbidden to do this, but you also have to study a possible other 1000 questions, most of which are about numbers (and are not in multiple choice form). Thus you get confused and put 3 down as the answer (because that is the amount that you may have hanging in front of your car), and the answer is wrong.
Essentially, you are not a weirdo who drives a Geo Metro and needs to lug around 20 feet long ladders, so this will never ever apply to you.
What is more sad, is that Dutch people do not even learn the rules of the road, about road rage etc. They just learn the questions, and soon after the test, forget what they learned.
Now I love Dutch people, but their driving is one notch below pure obscenity. I came to this realization over the summer when I was in Belgium. In Belgium, when you see that a lane is closed, everyone gets in to the right lane and waits their turn through. You never stop, but you do have to drive slowly for about 10 minutes. This is not the case in Holland. In Holland, people will drive into the left lane and try to pass the people who are waiting in the lane that is open. They will pass and try to nose dive into the open lane at the latest moment. This means that you are stopped for at least 30 minutes, because everyone is driving like an antisocial. This in itself makes owning a Dutch license to me less desirable, but I do not have a choice.
Example Given:
How many meters may the load of a trailer hang on the front of your automobile?
answer: 0 meters.
Now this is a douchebag question for the following reason: You study and learn that it is forbidden to do this, but you also have to study a possible other 1000 questions, most of which are about numbers (and are not in multiple choice form). Thus you get confused and put 3 down as the answer (because that is the amount that you may have hanging in front of your car), and the answer is wrong.
Essentially, you are not a weirdo who drives a Geo Metro and needs to lug around 20 feet long ladders, so this will never ever apply to you.
What is more sad, is that Dutch people do not even learn the rules of the road, about road rage etc. They just learn the questions, and soon after the test, forget what they learned.
Now I love Dutch people, but their driving is one notch below pure obscenity. I came to this realization over the summer when I was in Belgium. In Belgium, when you see that a lane is closed, everyone gets in to the right lane and waits their turn through. You never stop, but you do have to drive slowly for about 10 minutes. This is not the case in Holland. In Holland, people will drive into the left lane and try to pass the people who are waiting in the lane that is open. They will pass and try to nose dive into the open lane at the latest moment. This means that you are stopped for at least 30 minutes, because everyone is driving like an antisocial. This in itself makes owning a Dutch license to me less desirable, but I do not have a choice.
making this a serious blog
I have been thinking, and after looking at other people's blogs, I have decided to make this a serious blog. I am going to post on serious topics and make people need my blog as a source of information. Information on my important life that is.
I will talk about all the latest gossip; put my two sense in. If i need to, I will start referencing Britney Spears and Federline... yes that is it, I will make this blog into an Anti-Bush Blog, then I will get all sorts of readers.
Maybe I can make this into a conspiracy site blog. I will start making statements about things like 9-11 that are completely out of the realm of logic, and I too will get millions of viewers!!!
Ah the future will be prosperous!
I will talk about all the latest gossip; put my two sense in. If i need to, I will start referencing Britney Spears and Federline... yes that is it, I will make this blog into an Anti-Bush Blog, then I will get all sorts of readers.
Maybe I can make this into a conspiracy site blog. I will start making statements about things like 9-11 that are completely out of the realm of logic, and I too will get millions of viewers!!!
Ah the future will be prosperous!
donderdag 20 september 2007
Sample Dutch Driving Theory Test
In order to pass the Dutch Driving test, you must get at least 45 out of the 50 questions correct. The actual driving test is much more situational. But memorizing exact numbers, demensions and speeds are necessary to pass. When writing this test numbers should be written as follows...,
2 = 0.20 Do not use commas, zeros come before numbers less than 1
1.00=1 Do not use zeros if it is a whole number
2.2=2.20 Always write the number, if not a whole number, two places after the decimal.
Legal Requirements, Trailers and Dimensions
1)
The legal alcohol limit in the Netherlands is ______ pro mile.
2)
Children smaller than ________ meters must be in child restraint seat, and are not allowed to travel in a seat with an airbag.
3)
An indivisible load (that is a load that that may not be broken into pieces, such as a ladder) may not stick out more than __ meter from the back of the trailer.
4)
An indivisible ladder may stick out the front of a trailer (the part of the trailer that faces the back of the car).
a) True
b) False
5)
A trailer that weighs more than ______kg must have an individualized yellow license plate.
6)
A passenger car may not be longer than ____m, no wider than ________m, and not higher than __m
7)
A passenger car may not be made to hold more than __ people EXCLUDING the driver.
8)
When driving a car on an unpaved road, the car may not be wider than ________m.
9)
A load on the top of your car must be marked if it is ____cm wider than the car on either side.
10)
If a load is sticking out __m from the front or the back of your car, or trailer, it must be marked with a sign of at least 20x20 cm.
11)
On a class B drivers license, you may drive with a trailer if the trailer (with load) under ______kg. You may also drive a trailer that is heavier if the trailer does not weigh more than the car (when empty) and the car plus trailer weigh less than ________kg.
SPEED LIMITS
12)
The maximum speed limit, unless other wise posted, in a built up area is______.
a) 50km/h
b) 40km/h
c) 30km/h
d) 60km/h
13)
The maximum speed on a trunk road is ______km/h.
14)
The maximum speed limit on the Autoroute (Rijksweg) is ______km/h
2 = 0.20 Do not use commas, zeros come before numbers less than 1
1.00=1 Do not use zeros if it is a whole number
2.2=2.20 Always write the number, if not a whole number, two places after the decimal.
Legal Requirements, Trailers and Dimensions
1)
The legal alcohol limit in the Netherlands is ______ pro mile.
2)
Children smaller than ________ meters must be in child restraint seat, and are not allowed to travel in a seat with an airbag.
3)
An indivisible load (that is a load that that may not be broken into pieces, such as a ladder) may not stick out more than __ meter from the back of the trailer.
4)
An indivisible ladder may stick out the front of a trailer (the part of the trailer that faces the back of the car).
a) True
b) False
5)
A trailer that weighs more than ______kg must have an individualized yellow license plate.
6)
A passenger car may not be longer than ____m, no wider than ________m, and not higher than __m
7)
A passenger car may not be made to hold more than __ people EXCLUDING the driver.
8)
When driving a car on an unpaved road, the car may not be wider than ________m.
9)
A load on the top of your car must be marked if it is ____cm wider than the car on either side.
10)
If a load is sticking out __m from the front or the back of your car, or trailer, it must be marked with a sign of at least 20x20 cm.
11)
On a class B drivers license, you may drive with a trailer if the trailer (with load) under ______kg. You may also drive a trailer that is heavier if the trailer does not weigh more than the car (when empty) and the car plus trailer weigh less than ________kg.
SPEED LIMITS
12)
The maximum speed limit, unless other wise posted, in a built up area is______.
a) 50km/h
b) 40km/h
c) 30km/h
d) 60km/h
13)
The maximum speed on a trunk road is ______km/h.
14)
The maximum speed limit on the Autoroute (Rijksweg) is ______km/h
zondag 16 september 2007
Some interesting notes told through the power of images...
I have realized lately that it is impossible for me to take a normal picture. I am always either with one eye closed, or I am not smiling, or I look like a republican.
I have also realized that my friends and companions haved chosen to take photos of me in very unbecoming postures (most specifically using my left side).
I am now going to take you, the reader, on a story of my face and body...through images.
I hereby pray for Rapture!!!
I am sick, I think that I have a flu, or something that is reaking havoc on my lungs. That means that I have done absolutely nothing today :(
Do I possibly have avian flu?
Do I possibly have avian flu?
vrijdag 7 september 2007
Mijn volgede Jaar
Ik heb véle dingen die ik deze volgende jaar moet doen. Eerst moet ik meer nederlands leren. Gisteren was de eerste dag die iemand zei "Jij spreekt niet zó goed nederlands voor iemand die hier één jaar heeft gewonen." Daarom maak ik mijn eerste post in het nederlands, zonder een woordenboek.
Nou, Nederlands is niet zo'n moelijke taal voor iemand die engels spreekt. Maar er zijn veel worden die nederlanders gebruiken dat ik niet kennen. Maar het is óók dat de nederlanders willen niet met mij in nederlands spreken (zie andere bericht).
Wat is schlecter is dat ik een koning van de engelse taal was. Nu kan ik niet meer echte goed engels spreken.
Ik hoef te studeren en leren. Ik moet zeggen "sorry ik spreek geen engels," Het is niet waar, maar wat anders kan ik doen?
Nou, Nederlands is niet zo'n moelijke taal voor iemand die engels spreekt. Maar er zijn veel worden die nederlanders gebruiken dat ik niet kennen. Maar het is óók dat de nederlanders willen niet met mij in nederlands spreken (zie andere bericht).
Wat is schlecter is dat ik een koning van de engelse taal was. Nu kan ik niet meer echte goed engels spreken.
Ik hoef te studeren en leren. Ik moet zeggen "sorry ik spreek geen engels," Het is niet waar, maar wat anders kan ik doen?
More Crazy BeNeLux antics...
What many of you may or may not know, is that before the EU, there was BeNeLux. Benelux is an agreement between three fairly small and weak nations (Belgium, the Netherlands, and Luxembourg) to stick together.
This was, in my oppinion, and that of many historians, and well fact, was due to the raping that all three nations took during the second World War. There are no longer "borders" between the three countries (but then again there are not borders anymore between many countries in Europe) and they use a single tax system on cigs and booze.
This has, however, not kept swarms of people travelling to our dear Luxembourg for cheap cigs and booze. For instance, if you are French, then you would much rather pay 2,50€ for a pack of lucky strikes, than 6,00€. In Holland, cigs are cheaper around 3,90€ but still not as cheap as the Duchy has allowed them to be in his little Kingdom.
Luxembourg, Belgium and Holland were once part of the same country, (Den Republiek der Nederlanden), but this did not work out, because a few hundred years ago, the Dutch were not too nice to the catholics (Flanders, Walons and Luxembourgers). Thus, under Napolian, it became ruled by the French. Afterwards, the Dutch gave control away from the republic and back to a monarchy. But they were not allowed to be called a monarchy. They were "stateholders." Ironically, they were Germans. These same Germans, from the House of Nassau-Orange controlled what is today the Netherlands and Luxembourg. After a series of sucession rules, the house of Orange split, allowing the Duchy of Luxembourg to have his own country, named after his position (Duchy of Luxembourg).
What is most amazing, is that that took place after the treaty of VIENNA!!! WOW!
Now let's not forget about Belgium, It is the protectorate of Luxembourg, vowing to defend the nation against those hot headed bottoms the French and Germans.
This was, in my oppinion, and that of many historians, and well fact, was due to the raping that all three nations took during the second World War. There are no longer "borders" between the three countries (but then again there are not borders anymore between many countries in Europe) and they use a single tax system on cigs and booze.
This has, however, not kept swarms of people travelling to our dear Luxembourg for cheap cigs and booze. For instance, if you are French, then you would much rather pay 2,50€ for a pack of lucky strikes, than 6,00€. In Holland, cigs are cheaper around 3,90€ but still not as cheap as the Duchy has allowed them to be in his little Kingdom.
Luxembourg, Belgium and Holland were once part of the same country, (Den Republiek der Nederlanden), but this did not work out, because a few hundred years ago, the Dutch were not too nice to the catholics (Flanders, Walons and Luxembourgers). Thus, under Napolian, it became ruled by the French. Afterwards, the Dutch gave control away from the republic and back to a monarchy. But they were not allowed to be called a monarchy. They were "stateholders." Ironically, they were Germans. These same Germans, from the House of Nassau-Orange controlled what is today the Netherlands and Luxembourg. After a series of sucession rules, the house of Orange split, allowing the Duchy of Luxembourg to have his own country, named after his position (Duchy of Luxembourg).
What is most amazing, is that that took place after the treaty of VIENNA!!! WOW!
Now let's not forget about Belgium, It is the protectorate of Luxembourg, vowing to defend the nation against those hot headed bottoms the French and Germans.
One year later...
This is an eventful day my friends, for it was one year ago today that I returned to my Israel, well it is not the promissed land, but I have not lived in Europe for one year.
I am not a sentimental man, but this, to me is very important.
I am not a sentimental man, but this, to me is very important.
dinsdag 4 september 2007
Sometimes I get pissed off...
Sometimes I get pissed off. Sadly, I sometimes am one of those people who get angry because of cultural differences. I am not proud, per se, of the fact that I get angry when people do not understand me, but I am signigicantly less funny with Dutch people than I am with the Anglophones.
Nevertheless, what pisses me off is when Dutch people refuse to talk to me in Dutch. I have studied Dutch now for a year; hard study in school. These are mainly people that I work with. Most of the conversations go like this...
David - "Hallo Heer Smit, Hoe gaat het met u?"
Mr. Smit - "Oh I am fine David, how are you today?"
David- "Oh it gaat goed."
Mr. Smit- "Yes, well good."
David - "Man, I am so worried about the cars that drive like maniacs around here."
Mr. Smit - "I know, it is a beautiful day, eh!"
This is an actual conversation from today. Now, let me remind you, my dear readers of a few cultural things that you will face, should you move to Holland.
1. If you speak English, Dutch people will not EVER speak to you. You can live here for 30 years, and your job could be to write Dutch novels, or teach Dutch to college Freshmen, and everyone will, if they hear an accent, automatically speak to you in English. (as a side note: asking them to speak to you in Dutch, for practice, will be no solution to this problem, i mean, cultural difference).
2. As of 2005, it is MANDITORY that if you are from out of the EU, so all native English speakers minus GB and IRL, to learn Dutch...fluently. If you fail to speak what the government calls "fluent" Dutch by 3 years of setting up residence, then you will be fined every year that your Dutch is not good enough.
3. Most Dutch people consider themselves to be MASTERS of the English language. This includes correcting native speakers, even when they are wrong.
FOR INSTANCE
people at my work write business letters, to British and American people, whom they have never met, saying...
"Dear Cindy," or "Hello Charles"
They also like to translate words either, a.) directly from Dutch ("Yesterday many Wood Cops died in that fire in Greece.") b.) from really bad English ("The customer needs a lift." translation, the customer requests a forklift for his product).
Well I am done bitching. I love Holland, but I need a way to vent.
More to follow on my summer vaccation to Italy and France, and more hillarious antics of Luxembourg!
Nevertheless, what pisses me off is when Dutch people refuse to talk to me in Dutch. I have studied Dutch now for a year; hard study in school. These are mainly people that I work with. Most of the conversations go like this...
David - "Hallo Heer Smit, Hoe gaat het met u?"
Mr. Smit - "Oh I am fine David, how are you today?"
David- "Oh it gaat goed."
Mr. Smit- "Yes, well good."
David - "Man, I am so worried about the cars that drive like maniacs around here."
Mr. Smit - "I know, it is a beautiful day, eh!"
This is an actual conversation from today. Now, let me remind you, my dear readers of a few cultural things that you will face, should you move to Holland.
1. If you speak English, Dutch people will not EVER speak to you. You can live here for 30 years, and your job could be to write Dutch novels, or teach Dutch to college Freshmen, and everyone will, if they hear an accent, automatically speak to you in English. (as a side note: asking them to speak to you in Dutch, for practice, will be no solution to this problem, i mean, cultural difference).
2. As of 2005, it is MANDITORY that if you are from out of the EU, so all native English speakers minus GB and IRL, to learn Dutch...fluently. If you fail to speak what the government calls "fluent" Dutch by 3 years of setting up residence, then you will be fined every year that your Dutch is not good enough.
3. Most Dutch people consider themselves to be MASTERS of the English language. This includes correcting native speakers, even when they are wrong.
FOR INSTANCE
people at my work write business letters, to British and American people, whom they have never met, saying...
"Dear Cindy," or "Hello Charles"
They also like to translate words either, a.) directly from Dutch ("Yesterday many Wood Cops died in that fire in Greece.") b.) from really bad English ("The customer needs a lift." translation, the customer requests a forklift for his product).
Well I am done bitching. I love Holland, but I need a way to vent.
More to follow on my summer vaccation to Italy and France, and more hillarious antics of Luxembourg!
vrijdag 10 augustus 2007
Farewell for now
Dearest reader,
I know it is sad, I am leaving you, for the time being that is. Today I am going to Italy for vaccation. I am going through Belgium, Luxembourg and France.
One funny thing about Luxembourg is that it is not a real country, it is the Duchy of Luxembourg and is a protectorate of Belgium. I guess that is less funny than informational.
Good bye, and pray on me.
I know it is sad, I am leaving you, for the time being that is. Today I am going to Italy for vaccation. I am going through Belgium, Luxembourg and France.
One funny thing about Luxembourg is that it is not a real country, it is the Duchy of Luxembourg and is a protectorate of Belgium. I guess that is less funny than informational.
Good bye, and pray on me.
maandag 6 augustus 2007
The Rotterdam League of Anti-Social Drivers
I am angry, primarily because Rotterdam has a secret organization that I have not been privy to. That organization is... The League of Anti-Social Drivers.
Nearly everyone is part of this group. They all love to drive fast and dangerously. When you are a member of this exclusive organization, you get to learn the easiest ways to pass on the right, cut people off, how not to yield to bikers and pedestrians, and most importantly, you learn to talk on your phone and not drive.
The Dutch are not classy people. They all drive giant cars that they do not pay for, but that are furnished by their work so that the company looks like it pays well. These people are all in the League of Anti-Social Drivers.
The main problem is that the Dutch have a Napoleon Complex. They are all afraid of being what they are, a small country filled with people that will never rule the world. They are jealous that the Brits, Americans and Germans all have secret societies, so they have created their own, and the League has been cracked....ALERT THE FUCKING PRESSES.
-End of Rant-
-Stop-
Nearly everyone is part of this group. They all love to drive fast and dangerously. When you are a member of this exclusive organization, you get to learn the easiest ways to pass on the right, cut people off, how not to yield to bikers and pedestrians, and most importantly, you learn to talk on your phone and not drive.
The Dutch are not classy people. They all drive giant cars that they do not pay for, but that are furnished by their work so that the company looks like it pays well. These people are all in the League of Anti-Social Drivers.
The main problem is that the Dutch have a Napoleon Complex. They are all afraid of being what they are, a small country filled with people that will never rule the world. They are jealous that the Brits, Americans and Germans all have secret societies, so they have created their own, and the League has been cracked....ALERT THE FUCKING PRESSES.
-End of Rant-
-Stop-
zondag 5 augustus 2007
donderdag 2 augustus 2007
What a hearty Dutch meal does to the toilet...
Today, I have been going to the restroom quite often. It most certainly has to do with the fact that I have been drinking tea, coffee and Coke Light for hours. One thing that I have noticed is that my Dutch co-workers all smell like shit. Litterally.
Sometimes the Dutch like to indulge themselves in hearty Dutch food. Dutch food consists of 3 parts. One part dairy (cheese), one part potatoe, and one part mayonaise.
The result of this equation is always constant : that is a long and hard bowel that has a waxed over appear.
It also stinks the fucking toilet up like none other. And that makes me sad.
Sometimes the Dutch like to indulge themselves in hearty Dutch food. Dutch food consists of 3 parts. One part dairy (cheese), one part potatoe, and one part mayonaise.
The result of this equation is always constant : that is a long and hard bowel that has a waxed over appear.
It also stinks the fucking toilet up like none other. And that makes me sad.
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